When you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can seem like the best holiday ever. Roses, chocolates, getting dressed up and a romantic night on the town with your man. I mean, it doesn’t get much better than that in my book.
When you’re not in a relationship…Valentine’s Day honestly seems like the worst.
You try to make yourself feel better by binging on that half-priced chocolate that you bought at the grocery store while sitting in bed alone and scrolling through everyone’s adorable Valentine’s Day Instagram photos with their honey. Ugh.
After recently breaking things off with my boyfriend of two years, I’ll be honest and say that the thought of Valentine’s Day makes my heart just drop. Most of the time I feel like it’s easy to just carry on with my everyday life, be independent, fulfilled and happy. However, this one day of the year that I used to wait in anticipation for, now just sounds like a nightmare.
Let’s be real. When your last experience with love left a bad taste in your mouth, the last thing that you want to celebrate is never-ending love and romance. It’s not necessarily that I have the desire to BE in a relationship at the moment or that I feel unfulfilled without one. I think it’s more of the fact of feeling like you’re the only one that’s missing out on something or your life isn’t quite as great as everyone else somehow.
SO, here’s the good news:
You’re not alone and you don’t have to be.
I always have a hard time with those “single girls” advice posts that give you advice to do things like going to the movies alone or going to a restaurant by yourself and “owning” your singleness.
WHAT? Like no.
I totally get the part about owning your singleness, but if I go to a movie alone I’ll probably end up crying into my bucket of popcorn alone in the back row. Eating alone at a restaurant? Honestly I can’t think of anything worse than being reminded with every bite as I look around at the families, friends, and couples.
So my advice to you — DON’T do things that were made to be done with other people by yourself. People were MADE to be with other people, whether you want to admit it or not. I know there are going to be times when you feel lonely, whether you’ve had your heart broken or you’re just by yourself for the time being. BUT, let me tell you this cliché saying that you’ve probably heard a million times but it’s true: loneliness is not only fulfilled with romantic relationships.
Feel like ALLLLL of your friends are in relationships? I got news for ya girlfriend…you need to expand your friend circle a little bit. Some of my “couple” friends are my best friends, but if you don’t have other single friends in your life to commiserate with you about boys or go out last-minute on a Friday night, then you’re seriously missin’ out! I think there’s also something to be said about building some strong guy friendships as well. Boys are not JUST for relationships – they make awesome friends as well! I can’t imagine life without some of my closest guy friends that I feel like I can go to at the drop of a hat. Not only can they really bring a different and fresh perspective on things, but they’re just plain fun to have around!
Here’s the thing…it’s not always gonna be easy. And that’s OKAY. Let yourself be frustrated. Allow yourself to cry sometimes when things don’t seem to be going your way. Embrace the fact that you are learning and growing and being challenged.
I moved to DC six months ago with plans to start a new life here with my boyfriend and big dreams in my head about marrying him someday. However, when I decided to break things off, there were times when I felt all alone in a big city with very few connections. My boyfriend was the one person I always knew I could ask to come to succulent shops with me or hang out with on the weekends. I relied on him to an extent for making friends and planning events and always felt like I had my best friend at my side, even if I was still trying to establish myself in a new city.
So when I made the choice to let all of that go, it was hard. You feel like you’re starting from square zero, especially being in new place where you hardly know anyone.
BUT. THERE IS HOPE. And that is what this blog post is about. Not to whine about losing love, but to talk about why there is hope for all of the other incredible things that life has to offer. Stop wasting your time sitting around feeling sorry for yourself or feeling like you’ll never make those connections.
Get out there.
I refuse to simply accept defeat that I am “single” and start going to things alone and spending the weekends by myself trying to revel in my “independence.” Of course, there are times when I love a nice little shopping date by myself or I enjoy quite moments at a coffee shop while people watching but I will never accept the suggestion to go out to eat on my own.
After dating my boyfriend for so long, I think I was used to tagging along to events or just showing up. However, realize that you may have to be the one to start initiating events with friends or asking other people to hang out. Get out and meet some new and interesting people. Find a club that you can get involved in, get plugged in to a small group at your church or engage in a hobby.
If you already have a great group of friends, then I challenge you to be thankful for them (speaking to myself just as much!). Life is short and true friends are precious, so really spend some time investing in them. Host a movie night at your house, go out to brunch with your friends on the weekend or find a cool event that is going on in your city and invite people. Sometimes people are just waiting to be invited and you have to be the one to take the initiative. I suppose that’s the point of this whole blog post is to STOP waiting for life and people and friends to find you.
Instead, realize that you have a lot to offer and while it may feel uncomfortable at times, the payoffs are sooo sweet. Fill your life with beautiful people who encourage you, spend time with you, and enjoy doing things together. Boyfriends can come and go and the future may be uncertain. However, true friends can and will stay in your life forever.
So this Valentine’s Day, even though you might feel a little bit down…plan something fun with some girlfriends. Go out on the town or have a baking party at your house and take cute photos and laugh about life. Turn off your social media or just choose to be happy for those who HAVE found their forever person, knowing that it WILL be you someday!
Celebrate love and life and everything in between.So with that said, get ready for lots more V-day posts from yours truly. While Valentine’s Day after heartbreak might be tough, you can be sure that I’m not giving up on the chance to wear pink and eat chocolate! It’s gonna be hard sometimes, but whenever I feel like being an absolute bum, I just remember that I’m only gonna get this moment once. Just once! This exact time in my life is never going to come again….so instead of wasting it moping around, why don’t I use to it propel my life towards something even better?
You WILL find love again, but romantic love isn’t the “end-all-be-all.” Celebrate the people who ARE in your life and show them love DAILY. Celebrate love and life and everything in between and I promise that you’ll never regret it! <3